Academia made me hard, but teaching gave me back my humanity…

By Juliana Leonel

English edit by Carla Elliff

*post originally published in Portuguese on October 11, 2023

Illustration by Joana Ho 

On my second day at university I already knew I wanted to pursue an academic career - years later, I discovered in therapy that I actually wanted to be a researcher since childhood, I’d just never seen one and didn’t know what to call this career. I went through my scientific initiation, I loved doing my end of course paper (in Brazil known as TCC, Trabalho de Conclusão de Curso), earned a doctorate degree and was a postdoctoral fellow twice. I knew “everything” about doing research - emphasis on the quotation marks, because if there’s one thing we learn in science it’s that we never, ever will know everything… But I had little teaching experience. 

During my postdoctoral studies, I had the opportunity to teach my first classes by myself (in postgraduate courses) and some shared experiences in undergraduate courses. But all I knew about “giving lessons” came from my own experience as a student. In other words, I never learned anything about teaching methods, nor did I know that a teaching plan was needed (or how to craft one). Back in my days as a student, teachers taught classes without showing us a schedule or course objectives, and would just let us know a few weeks in advance when the exam would take place (usually based mostly on memorization and very little actual critical thinking). More than that, the idea I developed throughout my training was that I had to hold very high standards and be demanding. I couldn’t give students any slack, change agreements, or make exceptions. After all, “if you can’t handle it, this isn’t the place for you”.

How naïve and blind I was… life is so much more than just two extremes, there are so many nuances, and with them so many possibilities. Despite this, I can say that I’ve always had a good relationship with my students, or most of them. Although I lacked interpersonal skills, I taught good classes, with up-to-date content, and never refused to explain the material over and over again.

However, teaching is much more than that. And it was the students who - fortunately - taught me this. And they did so without me really realizing it, they just showed me that each one is unique, that life stories are individual, that what they carry with them when they enter the classroom is much more than just a pencil and notebook, and that it is impossible - for them and for me - to ignore this. Worries, afflictions, and even joys don’t stay outside the classroom waiting for the lesson to end: they come with them and shape who they are. That's what makes them so special, so unique. And I, as a teacher, can’t expect to put everyone in the same box and reach the same results.

Besides learning to respect each person’s individuality - without necessarily needing to know about it - I learned that I don’t need to be like the teachers I had or that I could draw inspiration from those who were exceptions to the rule and who stepped outside the “class - test” box. I learned that I could also change the format of my classes and assessments so that each student could give their best. I learned that I could give them the freedom to show me what they learned (or didn’t learn). I learned to listen and to observe more. 

No, it wasn’t and easy process. I had to face the fact that “all that” I believed in might not be the best way to approach teaching. After accepting that change was necessary, I had to study and gradually applied this knowledge, testing new forms. But more important than the new teaching methods was opening myself up to understanding students beyond the individual sitting in front of me holding a pencil. And from then on, new bonds were formed and the classroom - which was already a place I felt comfortable in - made much more sense. Today, every semester I learn more and take with me the certainty that teaching, besides being a two-way process, is also a dynamic and constantly changing process. And as such, it is far from being a finished process. There is still much to learn.

The effect of learning this extended beyond the classroom, it also helped me in my relationships with early-career researchers I supervise. In fact, they also played an important role in this change. By allowing myself this connection and listening to their experiences, pains, and afflictions I realized that this relationship is never just about the classroom, the lab workbench, or writing a paper together. We all leave a little or ourselves wherever we go and take a little of those who crossed our path.

#ScientistLife #Teaching #Learning #JulianaLeonelChat